A schooner of lager? Or how about a jigger of whisky?

Ever tried a "schooner"? No, not the fore-and-aft-sailed 17th-century Dutch boat. In Australia, a schooner of beer is two-thirds of a pint – and, under government plans to relax Britain's strict laws governing drink measurements in pubs and bars, it will soon be available here for both beer and cider. We'll also be able to order wine in mini-doses of 75ml, as well as in the standard "small" (125ml) or "large" (250ml) glasses, while measures of fortified wine could shrink to a minimum of 50ml.

So, as the delightfully quaint-sounding schooner sails into our national drinking vocabulary, here's a cut-out-and-keep guide to some other obscure terms of measurement to try out on your long-suffering bar-tender.

A splash (around 3.7ml)

In beer, this may fail to quench your thirst – but if tequila's your poison, it could be a sensible move. AKA a fluid dram. But ask for a "wee dram" of whisky in Scotland, and you'll get 10 times as much. And, if you're not Scottish, probably a flinty stare.

A pony (around 25ml)

A half or "short" shot. Ordering a "pony of bourbon" may confer the pleasing, if fleeting, sensation of being a cowboy in a dusty wild west saloon.

A jigger (around 35ml)

A word for a single shot – though some mixologists call a "jigger" a "pony" (are you following at the back?). Request a jigger of flaming sambuca, however, and you may undermine the term's cachet.

A gill/noggin (a quarter of a pint; 142ml)

A good option for the time-pressed, for whom even a "swift half" takes too long to drink. Be sure to pronounce either word (used interchangeably, though the delights of the slightly better-known "gill" are eulogised in the folk song The Barley Mow) clearly, for fear of offending bar-staff or fellow drinkers.

A quart (two pints; 1.1 litres)

You'll need an especially capacious beer glass to try this – and possibly a straw, as it could prove too heavy to lift to the lips. Elbow-strain and rapid inebriation may follow.

A yard (around two and a half pints, or 1.4 litres)

Request a yard of ale to play the pub game beloved of men with beards and holey cardigans; down it in less than five seconds, and you'll find yourself in the Guinness Book of Records. Request it with anything stronger, and prepare to be very, very ill – and to look very, very silly.