Israel's answer to Jordan is a real snake charmer

Of course, the famous of Britain and America busying themselves #prayingforjapan has a knock-on effect. You could tell it was a slow week for celebrity news from the fact that OK! magazine felt impelled to run a feature on King John dying of dysentery in Norfolk in 1216: rather winningly, it linked this to King Alexander of Greece's death in 1920 (bitten by a poisonous monkey while walking his dog) and the massacre of the Nepalese royal family in 2001 as evidence of a mysterious "Royal Curse".

Happily, the transatlantic celebrity drought enables Lost in Showbiz to look further afield for its kicks. Its eye alights on Israel, home to Orit Fox, or, as certain people keep referring to her, "Israel's answer to Jordan", which makes her sound like a stage in an ever-deepening Middle East crisis.

In fact, like Katie Price, Fox is a woman of indeterminate occupation, best known as the owner of Israel's largest breasts: "I decided to enlarge them in the army. My obsession is my breasts." She shot to something approaching international fame this week when it was widely reported that she managed to inadvertently kill a boa constrictor she was posing with for a photoshoot. The snake bit her chest and contracted silicone poisoning.

LiS couldn't help viewing this as the laying down of a surgically enhanced gauntlet: it made the ongoing activities of Price look a little wan by comparison. Come on, Katie! Up your game! While you're sitting there posting pictures of that Argentinian bloke and telling us what you are having for lunch on Twitter, your Israeli counterpart has actually killed a boa constrictor with her bosoms! Perhaps you could consider smothering a tortoise to death with yours. Put a Red Nose on and say you're doing it for Comic Relief!

Alas, just as LiS was considering a move into celebrity management, it learned that the story about the death of the boa constrictor was a hoax: the media had picked it up without noticing that it emanated from a website called Oh No They Didn't. Words cannot begin to express its disappointment: suffice to say it will watch Comic Relief haunted by the image of what might have been.