7 Etiquette Tips Every Guest Should Know At Passover Seder, According To An Expert

Every spring, Jewish people celebrate their ancestors liberating themselves from slavery in Egypt by observing a holiday called Passover. Over a special meal known as the Passover Seder, loved ones gather around the table to honor the occasion.

It's the one Jewish holiday where the service actually takes place around the family table and not in the formal setting of a temple or a synagogue. This year, Passover begins with the first Seder at sundown on Monday, April 22. Traditionally, Seders are held the first two nights of the eight day long festival. Passover ends this year on April 30.

If you've never been to a Passover Seder, you may wonder whether to bring gifts, what to expect, and what will be expected of you. Whether you're Jewish and looking for a refresher or not of the faith but attending a Seder, here are tips for being a great guest from Sharon Schweitzer, an international etiquette and modern manners expert, who is the founder of Access to Culture.

Bring a Kosher host gift.

As Southerners, you're likely already planning on bringing a present for your host, but here are a few guidelines to keep in mind: "Always bring a small gift to express appreciation for the hospitality. However, make sure you bring something that is 'Kosher for Passover,'" advises Schweitzer. "There's a difference between just kosher and kosher for Passover. Make sure to avoid offering any gift with yeast or wheat or any food prepared in dishes or with utensils used for unleavened food. A fruit tray, kosher wine, pre-arranged flowers, or a Passover book are culturally appropriate."

While there are many great Passover recipes, it's important to keep in mind that food prepared and cooked in a non-kosher home is not kosher, which will matter to families who closely follow Passover dietary restrictions. Ask questions about what to bring if you aren't sure. A Seder plate, Passover cookbook, kosher for Passover chocolates, or game are other good ideas.

You may want to have a big snack before you arrive.

Nobody wants a cranky guest at the Passover table. If you're bringing kids along, make sure they have a bite before making it to your host's house, too. "Have a small bite of protein before you arrive, as Seder kicks off with a litany of prayers and blessings before the main dishes are served," suggests Schweitzer.

Don't be late.

Show up on time. For many families, this is a structured celebration with many traditions. It can last all night or no longer than an hour for shortened versions. Traditionally, the Seder begins with readings, prayers, blessings, stories, and rituals, and then the meal is served. Readings and songs may follow.

Don't touch the Seder plate.

"The Seder plate is a special dish that sits in the middle of the table and holds some very symbolic items from more than 2,000 years ago such as parsley, bitter herbs, a shank bone, a hard-boiled egg, matzah, and charoset [a paste of fruit and nuts served at Seders]," shares Schweitzer. "At times, the person leading the Seder may distribute certain items from the Seder plate, but avoid taking on your own from the Seder plate unless instructed to do so."

Be ready to read from the Haggadah if called on.

Bring your reading glasses, if needed. "The Haggadah, a Jewish booklet that describes the order of the Seder, is filled with food descriptions, songs, 15 specific rituals, and the Exodus story of how the Jewish people fled Egypt," explains Schweitzer. "Guests may be asked to read passages from the Haggadah. If you don't speak Hebrew, don't worry; there's usually an English translation which is appropriate to read as well."

Pace yourself with the wine, or ask for grape juice.

"Throughout the course of the Seder, you will be given four glasses of wine. Each glass is symbolic of the Jews' freedom from four exiles: The Egyptian, Babylonian, Greek exiles, and current exile," shares Schweitzer. Thus, you probably don't want to have a drink before the Seder begins or request spirits or beer at the table. Also, beer, and any spirit made from grain is not kosher for Passover. If you're not drinking for any reason or under the age of 21, request grape juice.

Expect a traditional meal.

Seder isn’t a rushed meal. Every family has a structure they follow to incorporate Passover rituals, but there’s plenty to eat, from brisket to matzo ball soup. Other traditional foods include gefilte fish, potato kugel, and tzimmes, a carrot and prune stew.

Happy Pesach! If you want to impress your host, you can even try saying "chag sameach" — pronounced Khahg sah-MEY-akh — which means "happy festival" or "happy holidays."