Think about the best dinner party you’ve ever had. What made it so special?
Maybe you cooked a recipe that’s been in your family for as long as you can remember.
Maybe stories were told at the table that made the evening more meaningful. Maybe, after that fourth cup of wine, telling stories turned into singing songs.
Maybe it’s because there’s something about having an event inside the home — the energy it brings, the memories it creates, the idea that no matter how much time it took to plan, how many times you jammed your fingers while moving furniture or how much it cost to get that red stain out of your carpet, it was worth it.
If you grew up in a Jewish home, you might be thinking of Passover: the week-long holiday that uses food and wine to tell the story of Exodus, the deliverance of the Jewish people from slavery in Egypt.
The first two nights of Passover, the Jewish religion uses an organized dinner party to tell that story — a Seder.
Once the story has been told, or “passed on,” the telling turns into singing, the eating turns into drinking and new memories and traditions are created.
Sound fun? It is.
But hosting the evening as a rookie is a big undertaking, not to mention days worth of cooking and preparation.
If you’re up for the hosting challenge, keep in mind these tips from Seder-hosting veterans. Good luck, and make sure you have enough wine.
The guest list
Seders are sizable affairs. The holiday is an inclusive one — much like Thanksgiving — and hosts are encouraged to extend the invitation to those who don’t have a place to go and friends who have never celebrated before.
“My feeling is that everyone should be included in the Seder,” said Jane E. Rosenbaum, 66, of Denver. Rosenbaum’s 94-year-old father has been hosting Passover Seder for 40 years. This year, her family will host for 20. “When everyone is included, we will truly be a free people.”
The preparation
“Right now on our porch, there are about four tables and 20 chairs,” said Jon Lerner, 66, of Wilmette, Ill. Jon and his wife, Laurie, 62, have been hosting Passover Seder at their house for 15 years. This year, they’ll serve 35 to 40 people.
Prepare to rent or borrow card tables and chairs, and make sure you have enough dishes for each place setting — and then some. Don’t be afraid to break out that wedding china. “(The biggest part) is setting the table,” Laurie says. “The dishes, the glassware, the Seder plates, all the little plates. It’s a very dish-heavy holiday.”
The Haggadah
Each guest at the Seder table will need to have a Haggadah — the prayer book that tells the story of Passover and guides you through the evening (you can find one at Tattered Cover for less than $3). Decide beforehand which kind of Haggadah — there are dozens out there — would best fit your Seder: A conservative one? A feminist Haggadah? One specifically designed for Kabbalah teachings, or the LGBT community? “Find a Haggadah that fits you,” Rosenbaum says. “That tells your story.”
The food
Set a menu, organize your recipes and prepare to cook — a lot — with friends and family. “Everybody helps,” Laurie says. “Everybody brings a side dish. Give assignments, and fill in wherever there are gaps.”
Think of it as a potluck. “At a Seder,” Rosenbaum says, “everyone participates in the cooking.”
The leader
“It needs to be someone who knows the prayers, knows the songs and knows the tunes,” Rosenbaum says, “Someone who is committed to leading the Seder. You have to have someone in charge or it’s chaos.”
It’s the leader who decides whether to go by the book or branch off — skipping certain parts, making modifications to the Seder plate, emphasizing certain readings or themes — but always tying the conversation back to the story.
No matter what, stay on track. Set a pace and keep with it. Dina Berta, 55, of Denver, who has hosted a Messianic Seder with her family since 2003, says “the first year we did it, my husband did a lot of talking. You want to move it along. It’s not a performance or a lecture. It’s about the story.”
The audience
Are your guests falling asleep? Are they getting antsy? Are they having fun, or do they seem bored?
“One of the best ways to get people involved is to have everyone read (from the Haggadah),” Berta says. “Rewrite the script so it suits your own family and guests.”
Jon and Laurie Lerner break the ice at their Seder by asking guests to answer a question while introducing themselves. They used this one a few years ago: “If you were in the desert for 40 years, which modern convenience would you miss the most?”
When it comes to children, “get them engaged,” Rosenbaum says. “Print out song sheets, have them draw pictures of the story or help set the table.”
The traditions
Passover embraces tradition, so allow the evening to create new ones.
“The most important thing is to make it personal,” Rosenbaum says.
Remember that the evening doesn’t need to be devout, fancy or perfect. “Who doesn’t like freedom?” Jon says. “Whether you’re super religious or not super religious, it’s a universal thing.”
Finally, don’t get so caught up in a wine-stained tablecloth that you miss the bigger picture and the meaning of it all.
“The most important thing — bar none — is that you tell the story to your children,” Laurie says. “Once you have passed the story on to your children, your Passover obligation is done. Do it as formally or informally as you’d like, but do it. It’s important that you gather your family and your friends, and you tell the story.”
Finally, don’t forget to do it all again next year.
Francie Swidler: 303-954-1001, fswidler@denverpost.com
Passover essentials
Seder Plate
Five symbolic foods placed on the plate:
Shank bone – represents a Passover sacrifice
Burnt, hard-boiled egg – represents a festival sacrifice
Green vegetable – represents spring
Bitter herbs or horseradish – represents the bitterness of slavery
Charoset – represents the mortar used by slaves to build the pyramids
Orange (optional) – represents inclusion
Salt Water – represents tears of the slaves
Elijah’s Cup – represents resolution and redemption
Miriam’s Cup – honors the role of women during the Exodus
Matzo – represents redemption and freedom
Haggadah – available at any Synagogue gift shop, The Tattered Cover Book Store or online
Four cups of wine – represents freedom from four exiles
